Something has changed within me…

Thanks, Elphaba, I’ll take it from here
I was out running this evening, and as I was walking back to my apartment to cool down, I realized something that stunned me – something was different tonight.
Ever since I started periodically running again, I have enjoyed it immensely.  However, it’s never been quite the same as I experienced it when I loved running most: high school.  How to explain?  Hmm.  Running is always a physical and mental challenge for the runner, and the specifics of the personal challenges was always what I most enjoyed.  I reveled in the challenge of hitting the wall and pushing myself past it.  Not necessarily to win (although that was often part of it), but to prove I could overcome what was in front of me.  This was why I loved running hills so much – they presented the greatest obstacles we had to overcome.  Did I always succeed?  Of course not.  But circumstances aside, I always confronted the challenges and obstacles with the determination to come out on top.  What I think I am most proud of is that rarely did I fail mentally – I was always ready to push myself past that boundary – if the flesh was willing.
Flash forward to my post-college running experience.  By and large, I have always enjoyed each run’s exertion.  But I always found myself backing off when the “going got tough.”  Even the times when I pushed my boundaries, I not only had to push myself physically, but also convince myself mentally to make the effort.  I avoid hills because they look like insurmountable mountains; if the pace feels like it might wipe me out, I slow down.  What was most disconcerting was that I never even recognized this behavior as not me.
And then today happened.  I was running along and fast approaching in my vision was the wall.  And instead of slowing down, or backing off, or playing safe – and without even recognizing it till after! – I focused on that wall and busted it down.
Hello Chris, it’s good to see you again.  Let’s go find some hills together.